Still Trying to Get Right...

So, it has been a year since I wrote and I am so embarrassed to admit that I am in exactly the same place I was last year.  It just hit me that if I would have stayed committed, I could have surpassed my goal and been in maintenance phase at this time. I swear, one day I will conquer this addiction to food and apparent inability to commit to a healthier lifestyle. And to add insult to injury, I actually lost about 17 pounds earlier this year.  I was doing great; exercising 6-7 days a week for about an hour or more and my eating was superb.  Well, like normal I became frustrated and stopped.  I guess I felt as though the working out wasn't making a difference so I quit, which sent me back to where I started.  I am just completely sick and tired of this self-imposed cycle I keep allowing to continue.

I wholeheartedly admit it is no one's fault but mine. I realize this is a lot tougher than I thought.  I am in no way shape or form making excuses, but I have an addiction; a sickness.  The last thing I want is to balloon so out of control that I need surgery.  So, I am now participating in a weight loss program that my doctor recommended.  I am excited because I know that I have better results when I have to remain accountable to someone other than myself.  But, my reservations are a result of the no carb menu.  This always scares me because I balloon when I eat carbs again.  I keep telling myself to focus on the now and losing the weight.  I will worry about the maintenance phase once I get there.

I really feel as though this is my last resort.  The doctor even suggested lap band and I have to admit that scared me straight.  I cannot believe I have let myself go this much.  Surgery will never be an option for me, if I can help it, so I have no choice but to try again.  I have a few challenges because I have company coming in town and I know that will consist of  a lot of eating out. But, I know what I can and cannot eat so I will have to remain strong regardless of the difficulty.

I might as well be all the way honest; my current weight is 242 pounds.  I am so ashamed, bu this further proves I have a lot of work to do.  I will be keeping a weekly diary of what I eat to remain accountable.  Wish me luck!