I know it has been a while since I have written here, but I am sure you can guess what that means. I have failed miserably with my weight loss goals and here I am again, for the 100th time, attempting to get it right. Fall down seven times, stand up 8. That is what I keep telling myself in order to stay focused. It doesn't matter how many times I fall, as long as I continue to get up and keep fighting.
As I have stated previously, I have a vey unhealthy relationship with food. Instead of using food as nourishment, I use it to make me feel better. I would definitely classify myself as an emotional eater and would be remiss to not admit that I have a bit of a food addiction. I know that I have to tackle this part of the problem, in order to finally be successful. I can exercise and eat healthy until I am blue in the face, but if I don't implement strategies to deal with the underlying issues I will continue to live this vicious cycle of gaining and losing weight.
So, here I am again. What exactly does that mean, this time around? I am going to implement healthier eating and a strenuous exercise program into my plan. I actually plan to get a trainer to help me target certain areas and to ensure I am achieving a total body work out during my gym sessions. I also plan to really get to the bottom of my emotional eating and attempt to find other ways to cope. I will be putting forth effort into my mental, as well as, physical health.
Also, I wanted to share an experience that I had this past weekend that finally made me realize I must get it together. This experience was the catalyst for my willingness to try and be successful this time around. I went to an all-white party with a group of ladies this past weekend. Now, leading up to the white party I felt happy, confident and proud of my outfit. But, as the event drew nearer I started to realize that my outfit didn't look so good on me. You see, I am the type of person to wear a lot of dark colors because I feel as though it helps hide my problem areas and allows me a sense of comfort. As I started to get my outfit together, I realized that with white there is no hiding or covering up problem areas. It leaves you very exposed. And I started to panic and did everything I could to get out of attending this party. But, I had paid a pretty penny for my ticket and couldn't fathom throwing that money away. So, I decided I am the reason I am in this situation and I need to deal with it. So, as I met with the other ladies and started to see how great they looked in their outfits and nice their bodies were, I felt horrible! I felt like a beached whale and more uncomfortable than I had ever felt in my life.
I wanted nothing more than to go home and hide in my room, as I tend to do, when I am feeling fat. But, I decided to use this moment as motivation. I keep thinking back to how I felt that night and I don't ever want to revisit that feeling again. I was so uncomfortable and insecure and it took everything in me not to burst out in tears. Again, I had to remind myself that I am the one who created this problem and it will be up to me to fix it.
So, here we are yet again for the 100th time. Although I have been here many times before, I truly feel different this time around. But, talk is cheap. I will be updating with my progress weekly, and that will include successes and any failures. Wish me luck!
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